Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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