yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
