There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
