Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
