Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
