There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
