Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
