How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
