Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
