he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
