beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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