I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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