We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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