Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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