xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
