I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I need moral support for this bender
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
