I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Randomize
