remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
