Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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