No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
