fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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