so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
