Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
