I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
