Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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