THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
