Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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