that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
