Whod you bang
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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