I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
