Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
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