my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize