He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
