omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
