i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
