Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
