our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
