I want to have your abortion
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
