So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
