he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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