Your face is a jimmy john
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
