so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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