I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
