i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just gift wrapped bread.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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