Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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