So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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