When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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