You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
