Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
