The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
