So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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