Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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