I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
