we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm too high and old for this...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
