he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
