She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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