once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
