So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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