Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
