i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
