When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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