did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
