no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
