i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
