two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
