plz talk dirty to me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
