: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Did you just see the Batmobile???
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
