He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
