I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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