Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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