Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
