but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i already hear my dad disowning me
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i need some magic done to my vagina
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
