it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
