Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
