She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How naked do you want me to be?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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